I should get tested...

Once again, I've been drinking, so feel free to hold me accountable for nothing.

The other day (where the "other day" in this case is somewhere around a few weeks ago) I leaned to my right while sitting in my office chair and found something...off. There was a sensation, a resistance, and I was confused. Looking down, I found it.

I caught a belly.

I'm not sure where. I think it might have been that public bathroom I used a couple years ago. No matter what though, here it is. A section of my body which remains virtually unaffected by my movements--be they bends, twists, reaches, or leans--and is obviously anti-american. These are not "Seventeen" abs. I have a communist gut. A dirty, red tummy. My bowels are traitorous.

I have always been thin...not counting when I was born. Then, almost ten pounds. Now, well, I'm not sure. My new friend might be tipping the scales. I've asked him what he weighs, but he doesn't talk. He just...putzes.

So, normally here I'd end with some sort of twist--hopefully insightful--that added a new level to my entire post. Unfortunately though, that was the entire point of the post to begin with. Sorry for serving dessert before the main course.



To you and me both.